The Differences Between a Lady and a Cowgirl

A lady never spits; a cowgirl can hit the 3" gap between the skid steer frame and loader bucket.

A lady gets pedicures; a cowgirl makes sure to wash her feet before bedtime.

A lady perspires; a cowgirl sweats... and is okay with that.

A lady never swears; a cowgirl can cuss you out and still make you feel loved with the addition of that one little phrase:  "Bless your heart".

A lady is always perfectly coifed; a cowgirl can and will use anything available to hold her hair back out of her face.  A clean sock, a zip-tie, even a bucket strap will do... and she'll look good in it. 

A lady worries about the perfection of her make-up; a cowgirl just makes sure her face is clean before she makes a run to the John Deere dealer or the grain elevator. 

A lady hires a pet psychologist to find out why her pedigreed bit of fluff seems filled with ennui; a cowgirl can needle a bloating calf, drench it with corn oil and have it on the road to recovery in 15 minutes or less.

A lady swoons at the sight of blood; a cowgirl can shove her arm up a cow's hoo-hoo to the armpit and turn a calf the right way around so it can be born.

A lady knows which fork to use for which dinner course; a cowgirl knows which fork to use for which barn chore.  3-tine fork for forking hay and spreading straw, 4-tine fork for cow manure, 5-tine fork for horse manure, and silage fork for pig manure.

A lady worries about what people think of her; a cowgirl lets people think what they want, secure in her knowledge of herself as the true embodiment of everything that's wonderful about being female.